whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
my vag is so smooth its legendary
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
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