haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
pop tarts are not kleenex
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
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I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
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And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
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