i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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