Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize