I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
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