I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
