My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
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Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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