i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Randomize
