why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
