why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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