Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
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