how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Randomize
