I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
