I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
I have already put on my inside pants.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
