Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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