just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Randomize
