Capitaan dildo arrescate!
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
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the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
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It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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