pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
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