maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
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