no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
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