Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Randomize
