Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
She has the best kind of daddy issues
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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