85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
Vodka?
Forever.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
