You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
It's not a walk of shame if you run
Randomize
