you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
