UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
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