I didn't shave. On purpose
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
