please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
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