she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
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