So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Randomize
