i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Randomize
