All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
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