She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Randomize
