Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
