My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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