Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Randomize
