You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Randomize
