right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
