I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
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