god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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