I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Randomize
