lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
