Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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