i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
