I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
Randomize
