I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
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