Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
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