i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
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