She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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