The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
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