ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
