Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
