You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
