my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
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