so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize
