My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
And then my night got REAL pukey
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Randomize
