So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
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