Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
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