I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Randomize
