I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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