his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Who died my cat blue again?
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
