Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
