woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
