I'll bet she douches with gravy.
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
