True but thats because hes a fetus.
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Randomize
