so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Randomize
