shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Randomize
