Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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