YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
