Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
